If you knew me between my ages of 12-20, you’d probably believe that I always loved myself and felt sexy in my own skin. I’m not gunna say that ish was fake, but it was fake-ish; for sure.
“Fake it till you make it”
Whilst this is somewhat true, it only gets you so far. If you know anything about the human brain, you’ll know that we operate 95% from our subconscious mind. That’s right. Most of the shit you do on a daily basis is a byproduct of the habits you’ve created over the years, and the conditioning you’ve received during them. Thought patterns are also habits if you didn’t already know…
Feeding yourself the same insecure stories day in, and day out, is not going to change how you view yourself. So what do we do? We begin to feed our brains the stories we would like to believe. We fake it. Funnily enough, your brain actually doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is a lie. It just sees a thought as a thought. It will take the stories that are repeated continuously and hold them as truth.
This is why affirmations help you manifest. The thing many people forget whilst doing affirmations and manifestation is that, in order for the new belief to take formation, we also have to stop feeding ourselves the shitty belief that keeps us separated from our desire.
There’s no point in telling yourself you’re beautiful in the mirror ten times in the morning, then catching your belly in a shop window later in the day and reacting with ‘gross’. You need to catch yourself in the thought process before the words develop fully in your brain. ‘Look at that muffin top, you yummy bitch, who doesn’t like muffins, I love muffins, eat me, nomnom’
Sounds fuxking crazy right? But when I tell you that practicing this on a daily basis will change your whole fuxking life; I’m not lying. Self awareness as I always say, is key to living a healthy life. Managing our thought patterns is vital if you wish to change your reality, your thoughts create your reality after all.
I used to have many insecurities. My lopsided titties, my extra layer of bum cheek on the right side, my puffy under eyes and droopy eye lids, my hip dips, my thick ass second toe nails - it’s literally just the second toes on each foot. I could reel off a long ass list, but these are the main ones that come to mind when I think of the internal struggles I’ve battled with myself in the past.
You know what helped me accept them?
I acknowledged them. I stopped trying to suppress the feelings that came whenever I’d focus on those areas. I would stop saying nasty things to myself when I would focus on them. Instead, I’d just look. Observing them deeply, and as soon as I felt those thought patterns arrive, I’d stop them in their tracks.
I replaced them with a new perspective. I approached them with love. Lopsided titties? I have a small breast for the men who prefer them itties, and a big breast for the men who like a handful - let me cater to you. My extra layer of bum cheek is what it says on the tin, cheeky, it makes my beautiful backside unique and memorable. Droopy eye lids and puffy eyes, I am reminded of when I was a child and constantly being a sleepy girl. I’m grown but I’m still cute. My hip dips balance out my broad shoulders, providing me with more of a womanly shape - especially if my body fat is lower than usual from training.
My broad shoulders used to be an insecurity too, but they are strong, paired with my neckline, they actually make me feel graceful and feminine. It was a home-made porno that made me REALLY appreciate them to be fair, my whole back whilst I was taking those shots mmm *chef’s kiss. My thick ass second toe nails remind me of my dads toenails, my African heritage, but more importantly, they’re attached to my feet which allow me to walk this bountiful Earth and dance my blues away.
You see, there is always a positive in whatever we have or whatever we do, we just have to search for it and I admit, it’s not easy to find sometimes. Being conscious takes effort, but that effort is super rewarding once the new habits set in. It’s a gradual process, be patient with yourself. Avoiding looking and embracing your insecurities will just build this void of sadness within you. Neglecting to see parts of yourself, can lead you to hiding parts that other people love. A lot of the time the things we dislike could actually be the thing someone admires you for.
I absolutely SWEAR by being naked in front of your mirror as often as possible.
I sleep naked so as soon as I’m awake, I go over to my mirror, have a stretch and watch how my body bends and folds in magnificent ways. I’ll put on my dressing gown, head to the bathroom and have a shower, admiring every crevice as I wash. Thanking my beautiful vessel for all it does for me, which is a lot! After I cleanse, I’ll get back in front of that mirror and attentively moisturise my body. I’ll watch my extra layer of booty bounce whilst the cocoa butter seeps into its pores. Firmly rubbing the butter into my traps to relieve tension, caressing my breasts as my nipples harden and change colour.
I worship my vessel because that’s exactly what it deserves after years of neglect. This body keeps me alive. It keeps me thriving. It heals me when I am sick and tells me when I need to slow down. It’s my portal for deep pleasure and my sensor of energy. It allows me to embrace the people I love, and one day it will provide me with the loves of my life.
The human body is extraordinary.
Dancing in front of my mirror naked has been one of the best forms of therapy for building my confidence and feeling sexy. Considering I have a background in dancing, this was actually rather uncomfortable at first. It was uncomfortable because rather than seeing the entirety of this piece of art, I was hyper-focusing on all of the strokes that I deemed as imperfect. You can’t stare at one corner of a painting and appreciate the full story it is telling; so why do the same with your body? Taking my time to cherish every scar, every stretch mark and every roll, empowered me. No-one has this exact body, no-one with a similar body, moves the way I do. Every pore, every cell, every fucking thing about me is unique. We’re lead to believe that this is a bad thing, but it is our greatest power.
Naked yoga has also been a game changer. If you’re not feeling confident enough to express your internal rhythm to some sexy music, adoring your body whilst practicing breath-work and following a yoga tutorial is also very enlightening. This takes the pressure off of you and allows you to focus on flow, start off with some Hatha first. Hatha Yoga is very popular in the West. It’s less intense and allows you to transition into other positions slowly; connecting with your breath as you do so. People always assume yoga is about getting into these funky, flexible positions, it’s not. It’s about connecting your mind with your body. Feeling the air caress your nose as it enters, and lighting that fire in your tummy as it passes all the way down to your Root Chakra. Feeling your body inflate and deflate, the oxygen penetrating your muscles helping you relieve tension; being mindful and being present. So simple but so fucking fulfilling.
TAKE SEXY PICTURES.
These don’t need to be sent to anyone, they don’t even need to be saved. Treat yourself to a new set in your favourite colour, if you cant afford new, wear an old one, or just be in your birthday suit. Dim the lights. You could have your full body in the image, just a thigh, one breast and your collar bone. Whatever you do, just find the beauty in it. I love a silhouette because there is less to be seen, but also a lot to see. All we are trying to do here is find at least one thing that genuinely makes you feel good about yourself. Once you find that one thing, hone in on that feeling and how freeing it is. Thats the energy I want you to revive every time you are looking at those parts of yourself that you find less desirable.
Self-love is a practice.
Like anything, the more we practice the better we get. It’s not just on the days you feel like it, it’s a discipline. I’m not saying don’t have days off, there will be times where simply surviving is enough. On those days, cut yourself some slack and don’t feel guilty. Just remember to get back on your shit once you’re feeling better. Good things do not come easy, but nine times out of ten, they’re definitely worth the effort. My biggest mindset shift was admiring my body for what it does for me, not just how it looks. We are so much more than our bodies, unfortunately we live in a world where they profit off of our insecurities. Stick thin is out, BBL’s are in; for now.
Your health is not a fashion statement, it is a necessity if you wish to live a long, happy life. I am not against surgery, especially if its for genuine health reasons. I just think as soon as you start poking at the tiny things you kinda don’t like, the more susceptible you are to continue to poke. I’ve grown up with some beautiful women around me who are now almost unrecognisable, they’re in their twenties and I dread to think what they will look like in another twenty years… no shade, just not my fucking vibe.
My conclusion: it’s easier to have a surgeon or therapist poke around for a few hours, rather than actually taking the time to get to know yourself, and build those foundations of love within. Everyone wants the tings but no-one wants to do the work. We are so accustomed to wanting things right here and right now in this generation. I’ve been a culprit of this mindset and it really makes you hate your journey. You’re not able to sit there and fully appreciate how nice the present is, or just how far you’ve come, and this is what life is all about.
You need to take back control.
For too long so many of us have been playing the victim and it gets you fucking nowhere. When I’m smoking a lot of weed, I move less because I’m high as fuck, and my sugar craving is crazy. As a result, I put on weight. I’m moody because of the sugar crashes, and lack of endorphins I get from being active. I literally turn into my own worst enemy. But the weeds so damn good, yo. As soon as I reach an internal point of ‘I’VE HAD E-FUCKING-NOUGH’, I quit the weed and get back on my shit. Even after a day I will feel better, because I know I’ve made a change and I’m putting in the work to make me feel good. A change that is fab for my soul. A change that is in alignment with where I wish to be. I’ve lost almost two stone in the last five months by simply choosing to honour my body with healthier choices because of how they make me FEEL. Not because of how I look. I’m honestly tired of seeing people moan about shit that they have the power to change.
It starts and ends with YOU!
I could continue to rabble on about how being fuckable is also about what you hold inside of yourself. Confidence, empathy, compassion, kindness, but I feel like I talk about character quite a lot on my blog. You all know that having a good heart prioritises your looks, nothing matches that inner G L O W…
So, are you going to be your own bestie? Or are you going to be your own worst enemy? The choice is yours baby loves.
Until we speak again,
SIS xox
📸: @ninety.ii 🖤