I can’t lie, reformed hoes are my FAVOURITE kind of people. I may be a bit bias because I am one, but either way the ex-hoes operate at a phenomenal level.
Previously I believed that everyone needed a hoe stage, and whilst I do somewhat still believe that, I also believe that people should do what they feel called to. Not what they feel pressured to do. I accidentally became a hoe. Genuinely, when I started moving in the sexual realms it was with 0 consciousness. Not operating from a level of self-awareness in ANY area of your life can lead to some very problematic situations. If you have been following my journey you’ll know that having non-intentional sex lead me to feel disconnected and empty. Years of abusing sex as a means of validation and acceptance left my mind incapable of analysing situations in a healthy way that would lead to progress rather than depletion.
I forget how much I’ve grown.
During my hoe stage, I done everything with chest. Why wouldn’t I? What have I got to be ashamed of? I owned that shit in every way possible and there’s not one moment that I regret. If I had a chance to do things differently, there’s a few situations I may slightly change, not through regret but more of a desire for earlier elevation. All of the lessons I learnt during this period lead me to be the woman I am today. She’s pretty fucking dope… even if she forgets sometimes. Now I’m not saying all of these non-intentional encounters were shit because they weren’t. They were real fucking fun which is what lead me to developing some toxic habits around the matter. Any time I felt a lil disconnected from my loved ones? Sex. Anytime I felt I wasn’t performing at the level I wanted to? Sex. Cba to feel my lower level emotions? Sex. Bored? Sex.
Sex was my crutch.
It was almost my whole fucking ‘brand’… at a very young age which is a lil wild when I reflect back on it. Is sex my brand now? Yeah for sure it’s part of it, I have so many opinions brought on by life experience that I want to share, in hopes of educating others. & quite frankly I love sex. Not just the physical act itself, but everything that comes with it. The discovery, curiosity, flirting, anticipation, intimacy. There’s so much that comes with sex and I feel we have never truly been taught the power of the act. Majority of what I know has come from self-discovery and a passion on the subject that’s lead me to enquire deeper on the matter. I wanted to know why I was doing what I was doing. Why I was finding it so hard to stop. Why I felt so empty after encounters and how I could make my sex life multi-dimensional. As someone who was introduced to the sex world at a very young age via abuse, my whole methodology around sex as a pre-teen was very different to others my age. I continuously remind myself how grateful I am to have experienced sexual abuse and come out the other side, not unscathed, but not dismissive of the magical act itself. Sex didn’t abuse me, people did. I want to delve into the deeper psychological effects of that abuse in an upcoming blog.
Now let me tell you why I love reformed hoes.
A reformed hoe has extended experience in the world of sex, and if they were any good, they would continuously be learning through their experiences. If you are known hoe and your dick/pussy game is weak… do better. We know the hoes (the good ones at least) have this intricate skill of knowing what spots to hit, physically and emotionally, they have this ability to really tune into their partner. Creating this facade of safety, connection and passion. I say facade because true connection doesn’t just use your body and then leave you in limbo. This isn’t to say the spiritual hoes do the same, depending on the awakened level of both participants, depends on the quality of connection. You can only meet someone on the level you’re at yourself, so if you are an unconscious hoe, you’re more than likely doing damage to your chosen partners.
Sleepy hoes are dangerous.
The ability to temporarily merge with another being on the deepest most intimate level, shakes up emotions and energy within us that needs nourishment after the act… especially from a woman’s perspective. We are emotional beings and opening ourselves up with such vulnerability does have an impact on us, even if we don’t see an immediate impact, shit will be bubbling underneath the surface. Just because we don’t have the awareness to notice things shifting inside, doesn’t mean it’s not happening! A lot of the time the shifts are so minute that the only time we notice them is when they’ve built up to be this mountain of unsustained and unregulated emotions. Eventually we burst! Feeling needy, having low self-esteem, lacking confidence and underlying feelings of sadness and depression can come charging to the surface.
We’re left wondering why the fuck we’re feeling like this.
As fun as non-attached sex can be, it goes against everything our bodies are built for - I’m mainly discussing women here. We’re literally built to absorb and amplify the energy we are given. Give a woman a house, she’ll make it a home & all that jazz. I have reflected a lot on this because I could have sworn to you years ago that I could have sex with no strings attached and I could. The only reason I was able to do so was because I was so disconnected from MYSELF, that I couldn’t connect with others the way my heart really wanted to. I wanted connection but with minimal chances of heart break, so I closed off my emotions and opened my legs. My feminine energy was almost non-existent. I kept burying the sides of me I wasn’t happy with, rather than greeting them and asking them how I can make it better?
What was I lacking for me to be craving connection from strangers?
I was lacking intimacy with me. I was ignoring my true desires and needs. I wasn’t looking after myself properly in regards to my emotional well-being, everything was being buried with sex and drugs because that was a lot more fun and faster at getting rid of those negative emotions. However, they were only a temporary fix. When two people come together who are on the same level and are honest about what the sexual experience will be, there’s less chances of feeling deceived or lead on. That’s not to say the sex would never lead to feelings, sex is a powerful act. That shit can have you obsessing over a bruva you KNOW ain’t shit. The dick just made you form an attachment because of the hormones being released during the act and after.
Hoes know how to work people.
They know how to call on your desires and feed the narrative that got you in the position in the first place. It’s truly a skill. So when someone wants to put their villainess aside and begin to curate a relationship that is deep and meaningful, they have the advantage of already being a great lover who can tune into the other person. These are transferable skills, if you desire to be a great partner you must know how to merge with your other half, both within the bedroom and outside of it. I’m not talking about ‘becoming one’, I don’t think any relationship should be like that. It’s about both of you being individuals and then coming together, not as one, but as a team.
Hoes know how to have fun.
I’ve mentioned before about how scary I think it would be to deeply fall for someone and then the sex game be shit. I know I’m not like every woman and my sex drive is high, but having a great lover in a partner is a non-negotiable for me. Hoes don’t take themselves too seriously, they know how to let their guard down for a good time and they’re up for trying things because they see sex as an adventure. They’re less likely to judge and no one wants to be judged during such a vulnerable act. Sex is a versatile game and we all have our kinks, it can be scary sharing those kinks with others. I don’t want to be reminded by your boy about how you put your fingers in my ass then I sucked them. Theres levels of hoeness, trust and respect is up there with the elite. You want to get the best out of your partner? RESPECT THEM.
Reformed hoes know the best of both worlds.
The knowledge they’ve acquired through sex itself and then the dealings afterwards, is a tell tale sign that they’ve done work on themselves. We love an awakened lover. Not only because they’ve done the work on themselves but because they know that doing so, they’re benefitting others too. Whether it be guiding your homies, or simply treating the other sex with more respect, it’s a domino effect with positive outcomes and that’s the shit we like. No trauma dumping or bonding for escapism via sex. Its intentional, its elevating, its electric.
Reformed hoes unite.
So now we have two potential lovers who are skilled in the bedroom and have developed self-awareness which in turn, has deepened their relationships and made them more fruitful. When these two individuals come together, there’s no doubt the sex is going to be supreme. There’s also more chance of feelings of safety in the relationship outside of the bedroom. Reformed hoes can connect about their previous lovers and not feel a type of way, because we know what we can get elsewhere but we are CHOOSING this person. Its not about just getting your fanny or dick wet, discipline is present. There’s less insecurities in the bedroom and overall. In addition, the intimacy they’ve created within themselves can now be shared in an open and honest manner. The connection may not lead to a full blown relationship but it is 199% more fulfilling than an empty and unconscious impulse to get naked with a stranger.
You can learn so much from a former hoe.
Some of my best lovers have been hoes who have nurtured their skills in the bedroom but also nurtured themselves. They know who they are, they know what they want and it’s never unclear if they want you. They don’t feel the need to lie to get what they want and they appreciate you on a level. Even if that level isn’t a full on commitment, they are deeply grateful for the connection and you as a whole. I know some men have felt let down by my lack of commitment if we’re having sex on a regular basis but they’re never rude or hateful. They show love because although I’m not giving them everything they want, they’re still getting a level of love from me. It goes both ways, I’ve been on the receiving end of this too!
I’m never bitter about previous lovers, even if things have finished a little sour.
Projecting negative emotions onto someone who doesn’t value you how you wish, is a waste of time and energy. I see so many people torturing themselves over wanting to be someone’s person, you can’t force that shit. Women love to fantasise and make excuses, men do too. It ends up creating this imaginative relationship where you’re not actually listening or paying attention to what the other person is telling/showing you. You're not geting what you truly desire/imagined, so you take it out on this person and end up turning a fine situation into a bad one. All because you’ve let your emotions get the better of you, rather than analysing the situation appropriately, and moving in accordance to YOUR best wishes.
A lot of time what we want is not what we need.
I need the deep, authentic intimacy that has no bounds. I want to share parts of myself that I love on in the dark. I need to be fully seen in my nakedness. I also want to be slutted out, spat on and disrespected… when the time is right for it of course! Many of you will be sad to kow that yes once again, Shan is celibate! I am cleansing and focusing on the things that feed my soul, dusty dicks dont do that. We're 5 and a half months deep and I dont have a set time frame this time around. I'm just going to be patient and wait for the good loving I know that I deserve. Unless I get pissed and have a one night stand to tide me over... it rarely happens now but never say never!
Anyways, reformed hoes are healers and that’s why I love them.
Until next time, lovers
SIS xox