So many of us crave to be the object of desire, to feel wanted and yearned for. To be placed on that pedestal like a bright, shiny trophy ready to be won. To be the primary thing that makes the sparkle in someones eye twinkle that bit brighter…
Desire is a beautiful thing.
That burning in your belly when you think of the goal you want to reach, the money you want to have, the life you want to live and who you want to live it with. Without desire we would have no driving force to work towards the things our hearts want most. Desire is where passion breeds. Where your heart wants to be filled with excitement. Where your joy can be harnessed. But desire is merely a stepping stone to fulfilment. Depending on our state of being, desires can switch and change. It is one of the many feelings we experience continuously on our journeys for a better life. But we have been tricked into a trap. A trap that tells us desire is our final destination. That we should always be wanting and craving more. So when we reach our goals, we are left with feelings of dissatisfaction. In response to this, we create the chase again. What can I do different? What can I do to get those same juicy emotions flowing and feeding my ego?
This is where devotion comes in.
Devotion, unlike desire, is not an internal compulsion for more. Devotion is the appreciation of what is. It is a conscious decision to invest, to continue to feed and allow our seeds to grow. Like love, devotion is a decision which may not show immediate gratification. It is something we choose to do in order to experience long-term gratification. Something we invest in because we believe it is worthy of our time, tears. and resources. Devotion is a form of enthusiasm as is desire. The strategy for the two vary, as do the results. Desire pursues pleasure, devotion ensues purpose.
Both are essential for living a content life.
I have been the object of desire more times than I can count. I enjoy being sought after, name me someone who doesn’t? We all want to feel we are the apple of someones eye. It feels great knowing someone is actively trying to pursue you. It gives the ego a real good meal. The issue I have with being desirable is that it can lack substance. What good is desire if there is no devotion to maintain? In this day and age, I feel many of our encounters with others are simply a form of fulfilling a desire. There is no urge to maintain the goal once we get it. Once obtained, it's onto the next one.
We have this internal vision of how we expect something to be, and if it doesn’t align with our reality, we drop it to pursue something else. Something that we THINK is going to authenticate our vision. Rather than putting in the hours to decondition ourselves or work on the things we feel we may be lacking. No great connections in the world come easy. Connections, meaningful ones, take work. Work many of us refuse to do.
But who is willing to go the extra mile?
Building healthy connections and relationships is the same as building a new skill. It takes time, consideration and practice. On the fortunate occasion, we may experience connections like this that are effortlessly formed, but it takes devotion to keep them blossoming. It’s like desiring a healthy and fit body, but not going to the gym or implementing exercise to actually get it. The desire is to get fit and healthy, the devotion is the time, effort and consistency it takes to actually reach your goal and maintain it. Desires are empty with no action present. So many of us want everything now. We lack the patience and attention to build something long-lasting. I’ll admit I am guilty of this at times. Wanting my desires to magically come into fruition when I’ve not been consciously putting the work in to get them.
It's delulu.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the differences between desire and devotion recently. I've leant on desire a lot in my life time, thinking it would be enough to sustain me. Whether this be in my relationships, goals or jobs. Desire has me always wanting more, no matter how much it’s feeding into me, it’s never enough to make me feel full. I was tunnel visioned with desire for so long thinking it would be my saviour. I was wrong. Devotion is my saviour. When I pour myself into something, I have to fall in love with all of it, even the shit parts. I can’t give men my attention if its merely a lustful attraction, it won’t last. I can’t pour myself into a job that doesn’t allow me to expand and grow, it makes me feel stagnant. I can’t pour into my friends and family if I’m not centred within myself because the encounters can be a cause of conflict. I have to devote time to myself and the things I truly want from this life. If I don’t do this, I am simply chasing the chase.
It can be disheartening.
Desire is the fun side of things for me. The wishes and the possibilities. I enjoy fantasising, sometimes to my own detriment - I’m never away with the fairies, they live here. Devotion is the leg work. The work out my lazy ass 90% of the time, doesn’t want to do. But when it’s done, that feeling of content is unmatched. I actually feel full. Sometimes the things we desire aren’t actually good for us. They give us the ability to escape via our fantasies and imagination. If we aren’t careful we can become hyper-focused on the things we THINK we want.
The things that feed a certain narrative we want to run with.
For example: you’ve just met someone after a long draught, they’re attractive and have their shit together but you don’t really know this person. You’ve been waiting to meet someone who ticks these initial boxes for a long time, so you create scenarios in your head of how they will act according to your hearts desires, and what it would be like to be with them. As time passes, this person continues to show you that you aren’t aligned. They look nice but they don’t pay attention to what you say half the time, and their responses confirm a lack of compatibility. You know in your chest that its a waste of time to continue to try and get to know this person. But you have a desire for your fantasy to become reality. You continue to dismiss your intuition and keep applying effort. Only for this person to take advantage of your effort and leave you in the smoke.
Desire without devotion can lead you astray.
Your desire for love has lead you into a situation where you have dismissed devotion towards yourself and allowed someone to take the piss. The desire itself wasn’t wrong, the way it was handled and perceived is the issue. If finding love is a high desire of yours, devotion cannot be dismissed. Dismissing devotion in this scenario means sacrificing your worth and boundaries to appease a fantasy. Fantasy is cool, fantasies becoming reality is even fucking cooler. Being devoted in the 'love hunt' means allocating extra love to yourself.
So if you’re rejected you know it's just another 'no' stepping towards your 'yes'. If you’re not receiving what you want from a potential, you have the strength to walk away. If you meet someone who is good for you but triggers the fuck out of you. It's the patience, communication and honesty with yourself, helping you do what's needed to make the relationship work. We have to know when to push, when to pull and when to let go, with pretty much everything in our lives. Desiring a new job or a promotion without devoting yourself to building the skills for the role, isn’t going to help you get there.
You need to ask yourself what you’re willing to sacrifice.
Anything worth having in this life comes at a cost. You want to become a millionaire? Cool, you’ll be sacrificing time with your loved ones and finances to get there. You want to become hench as fuck? Cool, you’ll be sacrificing your time, money and delicious treats to get there. You want to become a mum? Your gunna have to sacrifice your body, sleep and sanity for multiple years. I’m not saying these things aren’t desirable, of course they are. They just take devotion to see the BEST results.
So when a new potential pops up, whether it be a partner, a job, or experience. Ask yourself, is the desire strong enough to ignite my devotion?
If it’s not, don’t fucking bother.
Until next time, Lovers
SIS xox