RIDE IT

One thing ima do, is ride that dick.

There’s something extremely satisfying about peering down at my lover and seeing him squirm adoringly. Often times begging me to slow down so he doesn’t buss too quickly. Slowing me down does nothing to help your situation sir, you’re giving me the opportunity to focus on my pelvic muscles even more, ensuring I’m getting the full motion and squeeze. You silly man. Anyways, it makes me feel powerful.

I used to hate being on top during sex.

It used to make me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t like being so ‘seen’, and I didn’t like being in control. I would be riddled with thoughts like “do I look good at this angle?’, “is my second chin behaving itself?”, ‘are there any bats in the cave?’, ‘am I getting this motion right?’. It felt like pressure. Pressure to perform, pressure to please, pressure I simply did not want to have. I just wanted to lay back and chill, no hyper-focus on me, minimal effort, but pleasure still present.

That was until I found my flow.

Riding dick is so much easier when you’re present and aligned with the person you’re getting down and dirty with. On my sexual liberation journey, I realised that I didn’t even like many of the men I had previously chosen to lay with. Let alone trust them. I was just fucking for the sake of fucking. To give myself validation, to feel connected in a brief moment of time. It wasn’t all bad though, I don’t want you to think it was all bad at all.

I’m an optimist.

There came a time during this period where I realised what I was doing, was a strategy for not getting hurt, but I still didn’t want to give up the loving, I fed off it. It was my crack. But my mindset did shift. I chose my partners with more intention and I simply stopped overanalysing myself during sex. I didn’t want to pursue anything long term, this persons opinion of me didn’t really matter. I’m highly unlikely to see them again so why fuxking hold back?

Jump on top baby.

Releasing those insecurities was a game changer. If you know me in real life or from my socials, you’ll know that I dance, I naturally have rhythm. When I first started getting on top it was actually hard for me to find my rhythm. A lot of this was because of me being too far in my head. Trying to replicate bitches in porn, focusing on performing for my lover rather than tuning in and enjoying the experience. In addition, the dudes I was laying with were trying to do the most underneath me, it kept fucking up my flow.

Can you just fucking relax and let me tune in?

When you’re not comfortable in your own skin, it shows, especially during something so intimate like sex. I loved my skin, but I resented the mess that occupied the inside of it. I was scared to show my true self to many lovers. Partially because I didn’t like a lot of aspects of myself, and partially because I knew these men just wanted the narni. They didn't care. I’ve told you guys before that I have fucked for many of the wrong reasons in the past. I could always feel the energy between us, I know when a man sincerely has an interest in me, when he doesn’t, and when he's a little confused. Me being me, I was always laying with the men who were lovely to look at, but held me in no valuable regard. This made me retreat into my internal world.

They wanted my flesh, not ME.

A lot of men don’t want to experience true intimacy during sex. To curb this they’ll try to control the entire experience. Whether it be the positions you’re in, or the pace you’re going at. They completely dismiss the needs of the woman. If they were to tune into her needs, they must open up a part of themselves to receive the woman in all of her delight. That’s vulnerable, and the last thing they want. This is why knowing your partner and their intentions is vital before you spread yourself. Now, we know men and women are two very different beings when it comes to sex, but women are known to move like this too.

I have been one of them.

The non-intentional lover will not want to receive that deeper energy, they want to pull the strings and manipulate it to their will. Now, I’m not saying this is the case with all, because elite fuck people have the ability to bounce in and out of that energy exchange. They let you in, just not too much. They want to keep you invested, they just don’t want to invest much else, apart from good loving. I could have no feelings for you, but the way I’m fucking you, you’d think I’m in love.

This sex isn’t all bad.

It’s rare I’ll randomly choose someone to lay with now, but if my desire for flesh is causing me a prickly heat, fuck boys know how to simmer it down with no strings attached. Sometimes having no pressure of anything moving further has allowed me to drop into a place of confidence and savagery that has provided some very, delectable experiences. It all depends on me and what I want. The same way choosing to have sex with someone should depend on you and what you want. But to understand what it is that you truly desire, you must know how to listen to your true self and not merely the wounds you tend to operate in. This may mean taking your time selecting a partner, or not selecting a partner at all. Solitude is good for the soul and fucking yourself with love and intention will always beat a rushed selection with no substance.

Anyways, back to riding dick.

Sex is a dance, it’s important to establish your own rhythm, and if you got a good buddy they will help you get there. It’s not about performance, it’s about the ability to play! Have some fucking fun with it. Feel into what you’re doing. You can start off slow, and see what spots and motions are tickling your fancy. I usually begin by being very close to my partner (chest to chest), especially if he is a man of size. I want to know how his piece feels inside of me as we’re body to body. How much motion can I exude with him inside of me at this angle? Does it feel better if I adjust my position a little to the left? Maybe a little to the right? Is he receiving me in a way that he is also enjoying?

Gather your evidence and change accordingly.

Once I’ve established a nice flow, I slowly position myself more upright so he can reach further into me. I’ve told you guys before I actually prefer having sex with average sized men because it’s not painful. I can get stuck right in. I like to be upright, hands on his chest, or leaning back slightly holding onto my ankles or his legs. I can gain more motion this way. I want him deep. Being at this angle also allows for my victim to have access to my clit. Majority of women rarely orgasm through penetration, there needs to be clitoral stimulation too. Watching him play with me whilst I’m riding, makes all the juices flow, abundantly.

Guide me, help me ride that dick the way you like it baby.

Things need to feel good for you, but they need to feel good for him too. That’s what good sex is. Receiving information in the moment, processing, and changing it up. Or keeping it the same if you’re both hitting the right spots for each other. If you’re a real good lover, something that may feel average for you, but feels fuxking beautiful to your partner won’t put you off. You’re not selfish because seeing your partner enjoy themselves, gives you a lot of pleasure too. Everyone should be getting their turn. I’m not put off if he wants to change my pace, or thrusts up into me even harder. As long as I'm enjoying it, I find it sexy. I want to give him what he wants; I get pleasure from seeing him pleasured. Leave your ego's at the door.

It’s okay to say you don’t like something. It’s how you communicate that will determine the quality of the experience. I used to have this thing and I sometimes still do, not just with sex but in regular day-to-day life, where if I’m communicating my needs or placing a boundary, I can be pretty blunt. It’s not that I’m a cunt. Promise! It’s because I’m actually worried that what I’m going to say may be off-putting to my partner. Needless to say, the conversations need to be had. You have to honour yourself, even if the conversation is uncomfortable or going to lead to a reaction/answer you may not like. Great relationships, whichever kind they are, are built upon the ability to be open, honest and compassionate.

So how do I respond if I’m not liking something? A shit sandwich is always great. If you don’t know what a shit sandwich is, it’s: compliment - feedback - compliment. For example, ‘babe, the sex you gave me last night was delicious, but you know when I was on top and you kept fucking me from underneath? It threw me off balance, I didn’t like the pace. I just love it when when our sex is a little bit slower so I can feel all of you reaching into me, it makes me really wet’. I’ve found the best way to communicate during sex is to just be honest with your moans. Don’t be moaning away if its not feeling good to you. Silence hurts, it makes one ponder. We don’t fake it over here. If he’s hitting the right spots give him feedback ‘yes baby, just there’, ‘push a little deeper’, ‘I fucking love it when you fuck me like this’. In all honesty, just be polite when you’re instructing, they can’t hate you for that and if they do, their ego is way too fragile.

You are a team, committed relationship or not, in this moment that's your G.

If you feel he is not reaching deep enough through your ride, ask him to help. This can be caused by numerous things: your body awareness, your hip flexibility, your position, and strength. Knowing how to move your waist and batty will always give you an advantage. Practice it whilst dancing before you move to the bedroom, really feel into your pelvic floor and its range of motion. If you’re not a confident rider, I would lean in on the option of asking your partner for help. Men love to help, it’s in their DNA. Unless he’s a lazy fucker. If he is, just jump off and go to sleep, what’s the point. Most men will guide you by either placing their hands on your waist, hips or bum and they’ll shift slightly underneath you or ask you to shift slightly on top. Its like guiding the dick to the back of your throat, there’s just certain angles that hit differently. He can also push up from underneath you to get that real reach, this is where moving at the same rhythm will do you a world of good.

Eye contact.

Eye contact is so fucking sexy during sex and it wasn’t something I was into for a really long time. That was because of the reasons I touched upon earlier, insecurity. When you lock eyes with one another you can easily gauge whether your partner is enjoying it or not and its just fucking intense. I love intense sex, if it isn’t intense, I’m bored. That eye gazing whilst you’re riding him into the abyss, will be something he NEVER forgets.

Most importantly, sex is a time to be playful, to learn, to be curious, to let down your walls and see what’s on the other side. Don’t be scared to change it up or to take charge, you might hate what you try, or might absolutely fucking love it.

Wont know unless you take the leap though, aye?

Until next time, Lovers

SIS xox