One reoccurring assumption I get from both men and women, is that I prefer to be the ‘dominant’ partner in the bedroom and relationships.
I can confidently tell you that this assumption is incorrect.
I know what I like, yes. But when it comes to my dynamic with a man, I definitely prefer a more ‘traditional’ approach. I like to be his little bitch. I want my man to lead. In order for him to be able to lead, I need to trust him and his decision making as a man. What many people fail to conceive about sex, is that it’s a power play, and safety is a fundamental priority for the union to be successful. I’m not talking about your animalistic lust being satiated through penetration. I’m talking about sex so good you dip into the Divine and it revitalises your entire being.
Sex shouldn’t be anything less, yet majority of the population settles for surface level pleasure.
This is why I’m continuously telling you guys to vet your people and know their true intentions, I’ve had a fucked up sexual past and I don’t want people making the same mistakes I did when I was younger. In the same breath, it’s taught me so much about my ability to trust in someone else, fully let go and truly receive pleasure.
There are men who get pleasure out of your pain. I’m not referring to the spanking and choking you’re receiving. A lot of the time it’s in the thrusts, I mean they’re actually trying to hurt you, because in their small dick pea brain, it makes them feel more of a man. NO REAL MAN moves like that, trust me. BDE men want you to feel so secure with them that you melt instantly. Half of you are wondering why you can’t fully relax or get wet; you’re dealing with low quality individuals who don’t give a fuck about you.
They just enjoy the thought of you, the access to you, the possession of you.
Degradation, violation, disrespect. There’s definitely an increase in demand for this kind of kink and that’s bless. I partake in this realm on occasion. I love being his dirty little bitch, like I said. At the same time, the environment needs to have a firm foundation of safety, otherwise the experiences can cultivate trauma within your body. When I refer to trauma it isn’t always a huge event, trauma can be subtle and may not even be acknowledged until further down the line.
I’ve wrote about a certain guy a few times on my blog, as you know, I never reveal names. I was dealing with him on and off for a good few years. It was definitely a trauma bond, he only ever really called to the physical side of things for me. No disrespect to the brother, he wasn’t the most intelligent or spiritually inclined.
Our paths entangled because I was desperate, he was there and over time, this sex pattern kept creeping up. If I felt lonely, I’d booty call him. If I needed to distract myself from my shit, I’d booty call him, and he would do the same. We had a decent friendship and he was my safe person for a while. Towards the end of 2021 I vowed to myself that’s it, I’m not fucking with him anymore.
And I didn’t… for a few months anyway.
During a drunken night, I blacked out and woke up face deep in mans balls (I actually wrote a blog about this experience (‘Hot Fucking Mess Mate’). When I started to come around, obviously I’m a little shook because I can’t recall the last six hours. I looked down at my bed, there was blood everywhere; I was feeling extremely sore. We were both fucked, I’d be drinking rum like juice, he was popping pills. We’d both been raving and I know he would never hurt me intentionally, he was just un-educated. After this event those feelings of safety; vanished. His whole being changed to me, he even LOOKED different. I haven’t fucked with him since.
Do you know how many similar situations happen with women on a daily basis? With people who they originally deem as safe? And we just have to shrug our shoulders and carry on. Because more time it was consensual, but the experience violated boundaries. You’re left in this weird grey zone, like how the fuck do I process this?
I still live at home with my parents so when I have a partner, ideally the sex should be quiet; I try my best but if I’m getting that good love I honestly don’t give a shit who hears me, let me express my enjoyment please, fuck. Anyways, my mans at the time wanted to be respectful so he never went too hard. We go on holiday, obviously this is our time to explore each other in a way we haven’t been able to do at home, we've got a whole bludclart apartment to ourselves, lets have some fun. Little did I know, his idea of fun was trying to fuck me as hard as he possibly could.
Again, there’s blood all over the sheets and internally I felt fucking sick.
Lack of empathy, lack of awareness, lack of knowing how to read your fucking partner. I’ve told men to chill and they have point blank ignored me to satiate their hunger. I’m not going to scream rape, but when I tell you I’ve had numerous experiences like this, with men I genuinely thought I could rely on, it creates trust issues. You’re telling me one thing but then clearly dismissing my needs for your own satisfaction.
This is not a sacred union.
By all means, I will never sit there and not take accountability for my shit. There were times I should have spoken up, there were times I should have pushed man off me and just left, but in the moment its almost like I can’t process it, like I can’t believe this is happening. The switch up is wild. The man you lead me to believe you were, is not the same man that is inside of me now.
These experiences have 100% created issues of safety within me when it comes to men. I mentioned earlier how I prefer my man to dominate and I do, but I will also dominate when I need to. I have found that if I am unsure of a mans intentions, I prefer to dominate as I feel more in control - ultimately I shouldn’t be fucking him but you know, ya girls has needs.
I’m not saying any of this is exclusively for women because I know men who have had their boundaries pushed and broken too, doesn’t matter the sex, if it doesn’t feel like you’re being honoured and respected - its fucking wrong.
I think so many people don’t acknowledge how big of an impact sex has on our well-being. It’s the most potent form of connection humans can create between each other and so many of us move loose, not even considering the mental state and well-being of the person we are letting in our space. Its fucking scary.
Our current narrative as a society towards sex, is causing a huge gap between men and women.
I’m not saying be married before you fuck, I’m not saying don’t have one night stands, I’m not saying don’t have fun. Do all the fucking things, but have some self awareness about you when you’re doing it. Vet your peoples accordingly and stop giving yourself over to people who you know are not available in the way you need them to be. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve misplaced my attention and affection because of impatience or lack of self-worth in the moment.
I am human, I forgive myself, always.
I had a sexual experience a few months back and it was conflicting to say the least. It was with someone I’ve known for a very long time, but I wouldn’t actually say I know him anymore. If you get it, you get it. It was a spontaneous ting. The sex itself was delicious, intense, passionate, all the things that make my fanny flutter and put a smile on my face. The conflicting part was in the morning. I am extremely affectionate, even with ‘links’. I wanna be kissing on you, rubbing on you, I just wanna make you feel good.
Making you feel good, makes me feel good.
Me being me, I got into head. I’ve always had a crush on this guy so the fact we just fucked was a lil like... did that just happen? Words were exchanged during the tings and I just genuinely didn't think he saw me like that. I wanted to wrap myself around him in the morning. I had this internal pull telling me to just embrace him, but my mind wouldn’t let me. We haven’t established any boundaries here. I know I need deeper intimacy and as far as I know he just needed a beat. I was hesitant because I didn't know if he was able to receive me the way I needed him to. What if he pulls away? Am I ready for that rejection?
Mad isn’t it? How I can let him plunge deep inside of me, how we’re sharing body fluid and the most sacred parts of ourselves, but when it comes to a cuddle in the morning, I don’t know what to do. Again, no ones fault, just my conditioning and my anxious brain. I don’t regret having sex with him. We both definitely needed it at the time, but a part of me does feel sad. It was the realisation of, I feel more comfortable giving away my body than I do expressing my hearts desires.
Even more fucked up that I know he would have just snuggled me right back.
Then my brain goes into over drive again, should I of had sex with him? I know it wasn’t planned, but did it actually align with what I need right now? Was it a mistake? I have a HUGE amount of sexual energy and he was the first person I chose to lay with in 6 months. As my regular readers are aware, I have been consciously working on directing my sexual energy in healthy ways for a long time now. I’ve made tremendous improvements, but it just made me realise that there is still a lot more work to do. It’s fucking hard being honest with yourself and what you really need. I feel like I have spent so much time trying to prove my strength as an independent woman and its made me super resilient but fuck me, I am tired.
I crave deep intimacy massively, but it also scares the shit out of me. I know I’m a little different to the average woman and it’s not attractive to men - weak men, shall I say. I got upset at my girls this weekend because I want to be seen, I want to pour my love into someone, but I can make it hard for people to access me. Not to suck my own clit or anything, but I can tell when people aren’t being genuine with me and it’s not that their doing it intentionally. A lot of the time I can feel the men trying to convince themselves as well as me at the same time. It feels inauthentic to me. I don’t feel safe. I feel safer with the arsehole who owns his shit than I do with the self proclaimed ‘nice guy’.
I am so ready for my soft girl season.
This year I am not sacrificing my needs for temporary pleasure. I am not giving men my attention out of politeness. I am not second guessing my intuition and I am definitely not disregarding the magic I know I need because… what’s the fucking point?
Speak soon, Lovers
SIS xxx